I don't really know why I'm blogging right now. Its fairly early on a Saturday morning and my husband has given me a mental health day by going with the 2 youngest kids to his mom's overnight. The older two??? I won't see them until tomorrow sometime what with our conflicting schedules.
Do you ever feel like you are losing your mind? Is this something that happens to everyone or just peri-menopausal women? All moms or just me? I feel like I am in a whirlwind and I can hardly keep up.
I don't mean to complain. I feel like I have it all but this is getting ridiculous. I've diagnosed myself with ADD but maybe I should get a professional opinion. Whenever I attempt to do something, I cannot keep focused. Trying to read a book is like attempting to do so in a noisy football stadium. I get up very early to enjoy the peace the morning brings but in my head you'd think I was running a marathon. My thoughts flit from this to that and I feel so unsettled/anxious.
I only work 20 hours each week but I feel so inadequate at times when I compare myselves to women who work fulltime yet still manage to run their home so well.
I am over committed; involved in too many "good" things. A dear friend of mine with 4 boys of her own once challenged me to choose only the "excellent" things. I see the end to a few of my "good" things coming in the near future and I will take advantage of that to slow down but in the meantime, I'd like to share a verse that encouraged me in a church a few weeks ago.
2 Corinthians 12: 9-10
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardship, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Letter or Sticky note
11 years ago
6 comments:
Trust me you are not the only one who feels this way! And your post actually made me feel better. Mainly because I know I'm not the only one with thoughts such as these. I think I wrote the book on being anxious & unsettled and I feel like I can never keep up. And I always wonder the same about how other moms do it. Even about you! I've always remarked at how you can be so involved and still keep your sanity. I'm not involved in half as what you are and I struggle everyday. Take a breather, my friend! It just goes to show that we all have our personal struggles and we hide it well. Something I'm trying to teach myself everyday. Oh, and I didn't admit it when we talk about this earlier at our house but I am sooooo ADD too! Where my focus is I do not know! So I can assure you my dear friend you are not alone in your feelings of inadequacies. And I love the verse you quoted. Gives me encouragement & peace as well. :)
Thanks so much for your comment. I have had a very difficult few weeks because of the things I mentioned in my post. I have had these thoughts and feelings for a long time, not just that particular day.
I too compare myself to others (you included!!:) and don't measure up.
RIght now I have so much going on: the women's bible study, my cello lesson, awanas, a marriage bible study we have been doing every Saturday night, worship team practice 1-2 times per month,the kids lessons/activities and hosting the ACTS groups every other Sunday. I am exhausted physically and mentally. It will slow down in a few weeks and I will be VERY careful about what I commit myself to. I have also implemented a few new "policies" at our house that make my kids more involved in cleaning and upkeep. I have been very overwhelmed with house work as well.
So, thanks for reading my post and commenting. You and your family are VERY dear to us and we consider you very close and precious friends.
You made my day!!
Wow! You are involved in a lot! I don't think I even knew all of that. No wonder you feel the way you do. But you do an amazing job handling it all even if you don't see it. You are an amazing mom, wife, friend, and follower of Christ! And I as well greatly value our friendship. More than you know! I pray it does calm down for you soon. That sounds like a LOT to handle.
As for me, I have been dealing with a lot of guilt as a mom lately. That is where my feelings of inadequacy mostly lie at the moment. I love my business and the feeling of being able to contribute to our family financially but it can cut into family time. It's gotten better and I have learned to manage it more with the kids being in school but it's still hard. I've had many days lately when I have felt like a failure as a mom. I kind of joke about the issues I have with Kara but the truth is it's more than that and I feel so responsible. But whenever I talk about it I just seem to cry so that's probably why I just joke about it (sometimes I wish I wasn't so sensitive!) But this probably isn't the best place to talk about it anyway! Maybe someday. Anyhow, it's good to talk to someone who shares many of the same feelings! Even if it is over the internet. :) Hope your day is going well!
I understand your struggles, it can be hard to let "good" things go. The Lord will bless your efforts as you seek His will for your time management.
I pray the Lord will give you clarity and discernment...and a peace that passes all understanding.
I don't have the "mom" angle to draw upon, but I can certainly empathize with this feeling or at least tributaries of it. The past few months I have been feeling out of sorts in a lot of ways. Out of no where one day I got the answer to my problem.
"You have lost your discipline." I seemed to hear in my head one day.
And, sadly, this summer I did. In most areas of my life I have let things slide - this is the first time in 2 years I have felt normal health wise and not in the middle of some sort of health thing to deal with. In other words - I was not focusing and eating a certain way, keeping exersize on a healthy path and even my spirituality took a backslide. (Like, I am healthy now so I don't need it?) I questioned that, and thankfully I know that is not true. I was able to find the right answers.
I suspect I know "Who" that voice was and I listened! I have spent some time the past few weeks re-introducing a LOT of discipline into my life in countless ways - and in thought and deed.
In times like these, it is comforting to know the answer to what troubles our minds and times can always be found by turning to God.
I think focus and discipline are close cousins! When we have them, life is good, but when they take a short vacation, it shakes up practically everything in its wake!!
I love your insight Brenda, and I miss talking to you. Drive south some time real soon.
Bling, the prayers of someone I have never met are extra special. Thanks so much for your kind words of encouragement.
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